Banjoed.

You know a country has a, shall we say, irreverent sense of humour when a potentially deadly terrorist attack on that country results in a joke email, and a general feeling of “Fuck ye!”

I copy here for your benefit.

If this had happened in a US airport, compared to Glasgow: Eyewitness accounts

USA: “Oh my God! There was a man on fire, he was running about. I just ran for my life. I thought i was gonna die, he got so close to me.”

Glasgow: “Cunt wis running aboot on fire, so a ran up n gave him a good boot, then decked him”

USA: “I just wanna get home, away from here. I just wanna get home, I thought I was gonna die.”

Glasgow: “Here, Tam, ahm no leaving here till ahm oan a fuckin’ plane!”

USA: “There was pandemonium, people were running in all directions, we didn’t know what was happening. I thought I was gonna die.”

Glasgow: “Fuck this fir a kerry oan. ‘moan we’ll get a pint in.”

USA: “We thought he was gonna blow us all up. He had a gas canister, and was trying to get into his trunk, I thought we were gonna die, I just ran for my life.”

Glasgow: “Ah swaggered by the motor that wis on fire, and the dafty couldnae even open his boot, he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws.”

USA: “There was this huge explosion, it sounded like war, I thought I was gonna die.”

Glasgow: “There wis a bang, yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that!”

USA: “I’m too traumatized even to speak, I thought I was gonna die.”

Glasgow: “here mate, gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear, if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it.”

Finally, two quotes from an eye-witness, one John Smeaton. These are real. John surpassed himself on the national news channels. The interviewer asked “What message do you have for the bombers?” He replied “this is Glasgow, we’ll just set about you.”

John took part in an interview on CNN and they asked how he restrained the guy and he said “me and other folk were just tryin to get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him!”

For the record, I enjoyed John Smeaton’s interviews, and thought it was excellent to get somebody on (inter)national TV who didn’t talk bollocks. He spoke the plain and simple truth. Find out more about John here.

In case anybody misinterprets, this is not a dig at the US, the email could equally have chosen many other nations in the western world. This is an example of the Glaswegian spirit of self-deprecation, masked within a smugly proud feeling that only here would people have behaved as they did. Lesson learned. Don’t mess with a Scotsman.